Purani Jeans...

The moment he saw them, he knew he had to have them. It was love at first sight. He made his move. And walked out with a new pair of size 34 jeans. He felt jubilant. Lucky. Satisfied.

It soon became his favourite pair. He wore them everywhere. With everything. Always. The jeans moulded themselves to his frame. They looked good. He marvelled. As did his friends. He took care of the jeans. It was the best thing he owned. It was perfect.

Things were fine. Then he had an accident. And the jeans had a tear. He was careless. He patched them up. They were still size 34. He still loved 'em. He just wore 'em less. Because they didn't look good any more. But it was the same pair of jeans. He grew older. And larger around the middle. The jeans stretched. As much as they could. But they were still the same (with a patch).

And one fine day... the jeans went out and a new one came in. Shinier. Bigger. Suddenly, these were the "old ones". They didn't look good. They didn't fit. They got dumped. Replaced. By a new "better" pair.

The jeans were still the same. Size 34. They never changed.

But something did.

Letting it go...

The intensity of it all surprised me. I took it as my good fortune. I ignored the warnings, AND the warning signs. I plunged. Headlong. I was so sure. It would go on forever, I knew.

But - and there's always a but - Things took a turn. They changed. I don't know when. I thought it was a guiding star. It was actually an oncoming train. And I was in the middle of the tunnel with nowhere to go.

I don't know why. Maybe it was me who was the fool. Maybe that was what they had planned. It doesn't matter. And I don't want to know. I don't want to fight any more. I don't want to try. I am tired. Spent.

It was good while it lasted. But it is time. To let go. To ride away. To let it wash over you. Rest.

Before you rise up again... to take consequences of yet another decision you make, yet another road you follow, yet another sign you ignore...

You live and you learn. Or maybe you don't learn. At any rate, you live.

Equality -vs- Freedom...

What do you value more? Freedom, or Equality? Because, if you think about it, they two opposing values...

Freedom would be having the liberty given to people to choose a shirt of the colour they like.

Equality, on the other hand, tries to ensure that everyone wears the shirt of the same colour.

So you see... promoting equality necessarily restricts freedom. (Yes I know it's not so simple, but think about the idea... or give me your definition of freedom).

Any set of laws (or to generalize, behaviour-inducing incentives) necessarily achieve a compromise between the two values. However, people are NOT born equal, only born free... Whenever the laws (policies?) tend more towards equality than towards a freedom, there seems to be a problem. (e.g. China, Russia, reservations, affirmative action to name a few).

P.S: I personally value freedom more than equality. People who value equality more... I'd like to know your views please. It would be interesting.

Friendship...

Friendship – it's the most overused and misunderstood word in the human vocabulary. When I think about it, I say I have five friends. And to be honest, I find myself VERY lucky to be able to say so.

I suppose, I must start by defining what a friend means to me... To me, real friends are rare... and they are few. And I really do not believe in classifying friends. There is no best-friend, very good friend, and so on... Either you are a friend, or you are not.

Most people I’ve discussed this with say that their "closest" friends are "people I can be myself with" or those who "know the real me". But what causes such an intimacy to develop? For me, it’s essential that my friend:

1. Has my complete trust
2. Doesn’t judge me

These are the pre-requisites for complete openness and comfort (the feeling of "being yourself") that defines friendship (as opposed to acquaintance) for almost everyone.

Defining trust is simple. Trusting a person is giving him/her the ability to destroy you completely and having the confidence that he/she won’t.

Being non-judgmental is slightly tougher. Human-beings judge. They form impressions within seconds of meeting you, and they respond to those impressions. They accept or reject you on that basis. However, as the relationship solidifies you are accepted as a person. The focus shifts to judging your actions as opposed to judging YOU. There is also a tacit recognition of personal boundaries and the fact that the boundaries will dissolve when the other person feels they should. Failing that, it becomes impossible to be emotionally naked (and extremely vulnerable) in front of anyone.

Obviously, for the relationship to blossom in this way, takes time. The "comfort" is derived from a history of actions, specific indications that one or both of the emotions of acceptance and trust are strengthening. Sure, I’ve clicked with a lot of folks instantly… and that may serve to lower a few barriers and accelerate the process. But it’s not always an indicator of a long-lasting friendship. That develops over time.

This also means that friendship needs work – a lot of it till its ripe, and some more afterwards. Initially, trust is fragile, like glass. Once cracked, it cannot be restored to that earlier flawless state. While fully developed trust is absolute and takes a lot to break, it still needs to be maintained. And then there is complacency – that a friendship is strong enough, a complacency that might creep towards judging your friend.

When you get past it all however, what you are left with is a beautiful feeling – one that combines security, warmth, love, and togetherness – a feeling that doesn’t depend on distance between people, or frequency of contact, concurrence of interests, or spoken or written words. It is a feeling of knowing you are wanted, knowing that your friend will help you be the best you can be, knowing you’ll have a helping hand when you need one. This feeling is the feeling of friendship. It’s pure and it’s beautiful.

How do we know when and how to progress from a casual acquaintance to lasting friendship? Who to choose? When do commit? I suppose that’s instinct. And thank God for that! :-)

To my friends, the reason behind this feeling... I want to say... Thank You... for being a part of what I am… For being MY FRIEND. Jean de La Fontaine sums it up... Friendship: nothing is commoner than the name, nothing rarer than the thing. And you, my friends, are as rare as they come!

Nuclear Power...

In the beginning there was just, the word... And then came science... And then someone discovered radioactivity. Everyone found this interesting... Others extended the concept and discovered fission... Then things became really interesting...

That was the advent of nuclear energy...

Now there was a set of people who thought nuclear energy could be the new-clear source of energy. So they built reactors... A lot of people heralded the idea... But there was also a set of people who thought it was dangerous. They opposed it. There were demonstrations, pamphlets, speeches, conventions... The lot basically. The reactor-builders still went ahead and built reactors. There were accidents... and another round of demonstrations, pamphlets, speeches and conventions... The reactor-builders improved and built better and better reactors..

Of course, there was this other set of people which wanted to make nuclear bombs. That was scary... There were people who opposed the idea, organized demonstrations, conventions, speeches - you know the drill... And the bomb-makers continued to make bombs... and deploy them... They made them more and more sophisticated, bigger, "badder" as the clamour against them increased...

There was also this set of people who got nostalgic about the world before nuclear power. Presumably these were the set of people that also got nostalgic about the world before rapid industrialization (when that happened) and longed to go back to the time when the earth was flat. They advocated letting the U-235 disintegrate in peace. There were demonstrations, speeches, conventions and pamphlets.

People got confused, divided... And all this while, the bomb-makers made bombs... the reactor-makers made reactors, they won the preeminent science-prizes... And there continued to be demonstrations, pamphlets, speeches, conventions and peace-marches...

The Mind must Look Forward to Something...

They said, it helped... I scoffed! They said, it works... I mocked! I was the cynic... They weren't going to fool me! But, one day I tried... and I realized, that it helps... Even though maybe not how they say it does...

I've read a fair few books telling me to write my goals down, focus on them, be positive etc... And I always dismissed all that as fooling yourself. I always thought, it's impractical... Just gimmicks to get readers and tell them what they already know... Well... the more I think about it, and experience it, the more I realize, I was wrong!

The crux of the matter is simply - hope. As we lose some battles in life, we we realize that what we thought was easy, is actually not. Subsequently, with every new "task" or a "goal", we look for obstacles in our path and plan to overcome them. So long as we remember that we are overcoming obstacles in the path towards a goal, this helps. This however, may change the way we think. We may become oriented to "overcoming obstacles" rather than "achieving a goal".

Sometimes, when we have to wait for things to turn our way, or if the "obstacle" needs a bigger effort, we focus on not what we will achieve, but on "what we cannot get" or "why we are stuck". It is then that we lose hope... The mind doesn't want to look forward to a new day... because all it will encounter is "why I am stuck" and not "Oh! I want to do this!"...

What is then needed is, to make the mind shift it's attention from the obstacle. To make it look-forward to something (hope)... That is what being positive is about... This is how I do it:

• Write the goal down and think about it every day... This way you focus not on obstacles, but on the achievement. The mind shifts from "what it cannot do" to "what it has to do..." or "what it looks forward to...". Every other book that tells you to visualize your goal in effect does exactly this. If you have time to meditate, do it! Visualize. But even if you don't... Keep reminding yourself of the goal... of the thing you want to achieve and not the reason why you cannot do it or the fact that you haven't achieved it yet.
• Think about the big things that you are grateful about. Family, Friends, great education, a well-paying job, enough food, the fact that you have enough to ensure you don't have to ask people for anything... These are enough "big" things that make these "obstacles" seem small, and give me hope that I can do what I want.
• Have something to look forward to everyday that you enjoy. I look forward to reading, or practicing guitar EVERYDAY. Even when things are not going right, I know that I'll be happy again when I read that book I've been planning to finish... The mind looks forward to it as a reward of putting in a hard-shift.

It may sound preachy, but it has worked for me, specially the first and the last points... It wasn't easy... It requires effort to make sure that everytime you go back to "obstacle mode" you come back to "goal mode"... But it becomes a way of life... There are other little things that I am picking up and doing... But these are the big ones...

I hope it helps you and works for you too... Tell me if it does...

The Paradox of Democracy...

A democracy by its very nature imposes least restraints on people and is therefore naturally conducive to repression, intolerance and violence... A successful democracy however, DEMANDS restraint, tolerance and consideration from each participant...

Strange if you ask me... The success of democracy therefore might mean that either people are inherently nice... or inherently apathetic...

Perhaps it might explain that the only democracies that LAST are large ones where public apathy overcomes other feelings? Hmmm...

The Race is Long...

For most people competitiveness is a restricted term. To be competitive, you have to “creating a gulf” between yourself and others where you can and try and match others where you can’t.

There are two ways to do this… You either better yourself or “bring the competition down”. Maybe sometimes you do both.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what is easier to do. People spend a lifetime trying to maintain that way of working. However, it takes the focus off YOU and relies on putting roadblocks in others’ path. Obviously, you cannot control the world and sooner or later someone will pass you by... especially if that is your primary way of working. This also leads to situations where you do not aim to add more to what you have… if the competition stagnates, you stagnate with it.

By contrast, the hallmark of successful people is usually talent backed by relentless application. They usually have the passion to be the best they can be at any given thing. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they have to be the most talented, just that they aim to make the most of what talent they do possess, and endeavour to continuously refine and expand it.

Sure you use others as benchmarks – to set goals that you must achieve. However, the focus is to add more to your arsenal, and to set higher and higher goals. In these situations, you are not afraid to share what you learn with people, because you know that you will raise the bar higher for the group and it would motivate you to be even better than what you are today. Eventually it would give you satisfaction to know that you've come a long way from where you were, and raised the general standard of your sphere of work.

I guess this is what they mean when they say that in the end the race is with your own self. I know mine is...